abound with innumerable phrases

replete with incongrous inanity

under duress from pernicious paroxysms

harassed into insanity

in a realm steeped with drudgery

unable to perceive, to prognosticate

am i incognizant of reality

or just afflicted by mortality

nuances fabricated

a psychological sally of duplicity

driven by the urge to seek tranquility

to seek forth what is not

intangible, mundane paradoxes

an interminable consternation

deride me, my precocious perversity

i shall still wrest

to quell the sinister culprit

that exists in me

even if you fail to construe

admonish you i will not

for madness seeks i not you

drummed at 11:36 PM;

Thursday, July 28, 2005

seriously, i see no point in this hopeless endeavour

drummed at 10:17 PM;

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

If I try to make sense of this mess I'm in
I'm not sure where I should begin.

drummed at 11:58 PM;

Sunday, July 24, 2005

I wish this huge rock would just strike the earth and obliterate this sad world together with everything else. That would make my day.

drummed at 11:43 PM;

No lights
No fear
No pain
Nothing

I just let the darkness consume me

drummed at 11:47 AM;

Saturday, July 23, 2005

God help me. where are you now...

drummed at 11:13 PM;

I scream, I shout
The words wont come out
It inebriates me
I spiral down into this oblivion
I cant breathe
The darkness, it fills my lungs with death
I take in my last

drummed at 11:08 PM;

wheres my beer,
THIS MISERY
the a's are mocking me now
I'm in the wrong dimension
what the fuck is wrong

drummed at 10:03 PM;

Why am i so effing angry with everything?!!

drummed at 8:16 PM;

Friday, July 22, 2005

i like class 95. cant remember what the titles to all the nice songs so i cant rip em off the net! argh. theres this " Its gonna be alright" smth like that. cant remember. ahhh

drummed at 4:48 PM;

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Its weird how a confluence of such degree has led to the effluence of such

drummed at 11:16 PM;

omg. i hate vulgarities. help. oh my. I feel so lost lost lost

drummed at 7:29 PM;

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

aiyar aiyar blar blar blar
dang dang shitay bang bang
blzzt plat pow wow wow
these are the sounds that surround me now

csafasdfasAsfsadfsNadfidsfsdYsdflhsdfhlsfkdsfOsfsdfUwerwrdsfksdRejksdhfsEsfakhsdfkfdshAlhfspdfsohofdgrDrhgdsjhTfghssHsdpoiemkfsdIsklhsd;gdsfSdflsjfsdS ?

drummed at 7:09 PM;

doing damn dumb deeds deliberately,
demise, detriment, decadence

drummed at 7:05 PM;

I love her larh. she doesnt know it well enough

drummed at 1:19 PM;

Monday, July 18, 2005

Lifes one big fuck and I mean it

drummed at 9:59 PM;

Friday, July 15, 2005

You know the feeling you get when you lose something? Its sinking my heart now. So many times I tell myself I will be more careful the next time. When the next time happens, it just hits me like a sledgehammer. A kick in the nuts, a slap in the face. You just fall harder the next time. There has to be a state of order in my life. It has to begin somewhere.

I have to be strong
I have to learn
I have to do something for myself

In these few months to come,
I'll either make it or break it.
I sure hope everything turns out fine, just like it always has.

drummed at 5:32 PM;

yay i lost my wallet. second time in my whole life, in jc too. argh just when i thought life could not get any worse.

drummed at 3:31 PM;

Thursday, July 14, 2005

its not that im being pessimistic. i hate mediocrity! what am i going to do ? for myself

drummed at 9:56 PM;

where the hell are you when I was so down
damn irritaiting when nothing works out well.
i hope the world goes out with a bang. life should end now

drummed at 9:36 PM;

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

I'm just a point of insignificance
in this vastness of void
that attempts to feel existence
the fact is, i'm trying to fill my emptiness with
wrong things.
The fact remains, I need you.

drummed at 5:29 PM;

Sunday, July 10, 2005

I wonder whether I will be able to make much use of my passion for drumming in the future. I've always dreamed of being in a altrock band, doing tours and making albums. Ranon always tells me in the end, we'll all just be normal people, leading normal hum-drum lives, having kids, paying bills. I'm not saying this is bad though. I wonder if I'll ever get married with kids.

I just watched this disney movie - the rookie. And there was this piece of indispensible advice. Its ok to think/dream about what you want to do, until it is time for you to do what you're meant to do. I guess this applies here. In the end, I'll just be some other guy who lived and died.

Good things happen only to 1 in a million. Also, I dont think people who look happy doing what they are doing are actually that happy. I just hope I will be happy.

And this is a crappy song by Mcfly - obviously. that is stuck in my head.
Been so many nights now
I find myself thinkin about her no
Cause obviously she's out of my league
But how can I win
She keeps draggin me in
And I know I
Never will be good enough for her
No no
I never will be good enough for her

Thomas, you're 17 going on 18/

drummed at 8:10 PM;

Nostalgia is in the air.
How was my journey in njcsb?
What memories do I bring with me
Or am I just glad that it is over?

Somehow my part was all too insignificant
by comparison
Or maybe I was all along maladroit
It was through my stay here that I've realised
Sometimes you help more by not helping

Will this be the end to my band career?
Or am I on my way to something greater?

I think I will miss my section more than they will ever know

drummed at 7:45 PM;

Saturday, July 09, 2005

msn's not working. It keeps saying contact list not available. huh?
either this is a sign for me to start studying, or maybe I wont be online for good

drummed at 4:49 PM;

Friday, July 08, 2005

my life lacks structure, coherence, diligence and lustre.
I hope I find strength to do what I have to, because if I dont, I dont know what will become of all.
Maybe I just need people to believe in me.
I have always believed in myself. Why now? Why this.

Do you even care?
I could use a little hope
for I have none.

drummed at 10:47 PM;

So this was how my last concert ended!
Ikea - swedish meatballs! bloody beef! brocoli and 30cents sauce!
Band rm - nice flowers from hanjie and joanne! um puking bag from melvin and oboes! yixian's 1 year old merci chocolate (leftovers frm last etude)! giving junhao's sweets at the atrium.
VCH - nice dinner! almost fell down the steps leading to the changing room. spatial contraints at the percussion area!
Performance - A long concert. good but not exceptional. missed stick flicks and untimely hot shots. well it was a learning experience. i shall not comment on the rest. thanks for those who gave me flowers! =]

Now when the reality sets in. I land myself in a most precarious situation. God, I guess this time I have to do something for myself. Thanks for helping me thus far. I know you still will. Thanks.

drummed at 9:42 PM;

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

so this is what happens tmr

Morning-swedish meatballs at ikea yum yum yum. Fun brunch at ikea, shopping, buy stuff. Go to band room, pack struments, feel happy. take bus, feel happy. nice food for dinner. ace concert. double encore. feel great after that. hugs smiles woohoo.

or this

morning-pon brunch, go to sch late. start feeling damn moody abt the sucky concert. go there, screw up. no space for percussion, moving, drop stuff. sucky ensemb. solos not well delivered. sucked up. no encores. goodbye and so long. bye band. sucked concert.

What will happen? hahaha.

drummed at 1:08 AM;

Monday, July 04, 2005

This is one of those times I just feel like * . Not that it matters anymore. Nvm I'll live to see a new dawn. I have to say. thinking of * keeps me going.

I have become a new drum machine.

Thank you all those who have taught me the art of rhythm. The reason why my life has revolved around a different planet. Thankyou uncleb, april, azri, arif, mazri, kyoko, victor, leen, sean, stephen, pk, travisb(sorry for stealing your solo, you are the inspiration). Thank you all those who I have taught and in turn learnt something. Also, the sticks which have been with me through all times: ziljian artist series: dennis chambers, trilok gurtu (it died at macritchie!), travis barker. 5A, anti-vibe..etc

The spirit of drumming will always be true

drummed at 7:59 PM;

Saturday, July 02, 2005

Theraputic songs include real-plumb (all plumb songs are nice!), firstlove-utada(some say her voice sucks, hell no), odetomyfamily-cranberries(they're tasty, but that accent is really getting to me), madworld-tearsforfears(good shit from donny darko), pureshores-allsaints(I love beaches, hate bitches. haha!) . The way these songs find their way into my heart is pure. Like how sunshine finds the darkness. 1.2.3.4 tatatatatumtum/tumtumtumCHIANG

drummed at 1:29 AM;