You know the feeling you get when you lose something? Its sinking my heart now. So many times I tell myself I will be more careful the next time. When the next time happens, it just hits me like a sledgehammer. A kick in the nuts, a slap in the face. You just fall harder the next time. There has to be a state of order in my life. It has to begin somewhere.

I have to be strong
I have to learn
I have to do something for myself

In these few months to come,
I'll either make it or break it.
I sure hope everything turns out fine, just like it always has.

drummed at 5:32 PM;